Roman Abramovich has finally spoken – and his first interview revealed Chelsea secrets and a surprisingly warm affection for Chelsea fans.

Abramovich talked about Chelsea’s future, Manchester United’s challenge and how him and Mourinho get along.

Abramovich (on Chelsea):

“I think Chelsea has a very bright future – we have the best players, the best coaching staff, the best scouts, and yes, the best fans.

We are, quite simply, the best club in football today.

You can’t put a price tag on it.

Clubs that talk about beautiful football, Champions League heritage or fan base don’t realise that all these things are nothing compared to what Chelsea can achieve.

I will personally see to it that Chelsea will play more attractive football than Arsenal, win more Champions League and Premiership titles than Liverpool and be a bigger club than Manchester United, Real Madrid or Barcelona.”

On Manchester United’s challenge:

“You know, some days I think that I should just have bought Manchester United and made life easier for me.

Ok, ok, I’m just joking.

I don’t think United have the players to beat us consistently.

Plus I can always buy Ronaldo and Ferguson.

Kidding, kidding :)”

On Jose Mourinho:

“I can’t swear, can I

Mourinho is a good manager, but he’s too full of himself. He has to realise, and so do the media and the fans, that Chelsea is bigger than Mourinho.

I’ll repeat:

Chelsea is BIGGER than Mourinho.

You hear that Jose

I can’t have coaches starting mutinies against me. When Terry goes to Mourinho and tells him he won’t sign a new contract if Mourinho isn’t around next season, you know what I feel like doing I throw more money at Terry and tell Mourinho to fuck off.

It’s extortion, and I won’t have it.

Mourinho should be very careful, he knows where I’m from and what I can do.”

On Shevchenko, Shaun Wright-Phillips and Michael Ballack

“Ok, so I was playing fantasy football. You can’t blame me for doing that will my billions, can you”

On Chelsea fans:

“You probably don’t know this, but Chelsea fans are the best in the world. They cheer me wherever I go, and it’s amazing to see the level of support.

I also love the celery rhyme – it’s unfortunate that we had to ban a couple of fans but you know how Wenger gets when he starts bleating about his players, I had to stop his whinging.

Don’t worry though, there’s no real ban, it’s just a fake ban.

But where was I Yes, the fans. I love them, absolutely love them. They give me – how do you say it in English – great pleasure.

It’s unfortunate that I had to choose my fans over my wife, but what can you do I’m a businessman and it’s a numbers game.

If you’re a rich club owner you get a lot of free booty. I just used the spare money that I was saving to pay her off and enjoy my Chelsea fans without any problems. It’s a win-win situation for me.”

On Soccerlens:

“I’ll pay you $1m if you start writing only about Chelsea.

No

$2m $5m Name your price. I’ll throw in a few Chelsea fans too.”

Mr. Abramovich, I’ll think about it, I assure you the offer is very tempting and perhaps too good to pass upon. Thank you for your time.

Disclaimer: April Fool!