I won’t delve too deeply into my personal life, because that’d be going well past the point of ‘too much information,’ which I may be crossing anyway, but I will say that I am prone to sadistic tendencies here and there.

And because this is one of those times, today’s roundup is chock full o’ everyone’s favorite new Arsenal star flop midfielder Andrei Arshavin. Or is it Andrey Or is it Andriy

You may love or hate the long, drawn-out saga that brought Mr. Arshavin to the Emirates, but one thing’s for sure – he’s not shy. That may alienate a few of Arsenal’s female fans, some of whom may look no further than his face, but if you’re a grown man who’s afraid of the dark like I am, then he’s your new hero.

I can just imagine how hard he’ll have to bite his tongue when he pulls up to a stoplight and next to him is a woman with one hand on the steering wheel and a cigarette in the other. I assume that the end result of the gasoline fight in Zoolander elicited a ‘serves them right’ from him, or maybe his disdain for smokers stops with women.

Another high-profile deadline-day signing was Chelsea’s capture of Ricardo Quaresma, whose earned moves to Barcelona and Inter Milan by playing like a world-beater, but after earning such moves, he’s not lived up to the billing. Not hating on the man’s skills in the least, but it would be wise to celebrate with caution.

The Premier League set a January transfer spending record, as I figured they would. Thanks Manchester City and Tottenham! You can look forward to more spending of that caliber, because the Premier League’s new TV deal will certainly put a few million more into the coffers, not that some need it so much.

And finally, a quick rhetorical question and answer bit for the readers.

Q: What does being the current best player in the world get you Hint: We’re talking about Leo Messi, in case you didn’t know, or were attempting to deny his greatness.

A: Well, not the chance to play with Nadir Belhadj, but This, or incentive/motivation/inspiration, whichever you feel suits best. Methinks this is a case where indeed only the balls bounce, no