Gerry McDonnell returns with his weekly betting column on the English Premier League.

Marriage is like a chicken vindaloo, it’s something you have to try at least once, even though you know you’ll later regret it.

I experienced my seven-year itch quite early, it was on the honeymoon. Fortunately, my wandering eye didn’t lead to an act of betrayal, although I put that down to the fact that the barmaid was almost certainly a button-flicker.

If newspaper reports are to be believed, Paul Jewell has allegedly been getting his bread sliced at a different bakery. We can all come into a little dough when Fulham beat Derby at 7/5.

Cristiano Ronaldo has also ‘entertained’ a string of women over the past year, which probably explains why Sir Alex is demanding extra protection. I’ve been told that Ronaldo also has a large gay following; I can only assume that Cheryl has been overdoing it with the chip pan. Man U have won their last 13 matches against Aston Villa, I’ll happily tuck into the 1/3 for another United win.

Javier Mascherano will miss the Merseyside derby after a ridiculous sending-off against Manchester United last week. If we start dismissing players just for being annoying, Chelsea would have to play every game with eight men. Everton haven’t won at Anfield this millennium, I’ll be seeing red if Liverpool slip up at 4/5.

A lack of respect for the referee is currently a hot topic, but it’s going to be OK – Ian Wright has a four-step plan. I’ve solved the conundrum that is Chelsea v Middlesbrough; get on the baiters at 1/3.

Birmingham City are at the heart of a corruption investigation, presumably for buying Liam Ridgewell. Manchester City have come out on top on their last four meetings with the troubled Blues; it’ll be a scandal if Sven’s men don’t take all three points at 9/4.

Gael Clichy is a lot like Ashley Cole. After tangling with Mido, the Arsenal full-back was left with an unwanted gash. I’ll be half-cut when Arsenal bounce back against Bolton at 4/5.

After using flimsy excuses for arriving late at training, Liam Miller has been placed on the transfer list. Roy Keane quipped, “Don’t get in a car with Liam, because he has more car crashes than anyone I know.” Paul Jewell won’t find jokes about car accidents very amusing; his Mercedes was involved in a rear-ender. West Ham can dent Sunderland’s survival bid by taking a point at 23/10.

Emile Heskey has scored one goal in the last seven months, which is something of a purple patch for the clumsy striker. The big man is like Ashley Cole, he lacks confidence in the box. I’m more than comfortable with the 4/5 for a Pompey win over Wigan.

Shane Long may be on his way out of Reading. The surly striker is unhappy with being fined a week’s wages for throwing his shirt at his manager; it would have been a lot worse if Ashley Cole hadn’t quickly picked it up. I refuse to turn my back on the 6/4 for a Reading win over Blackburn.

If Tottenham do sell Berbatov in the summer, they should move to sign Ashley Cole and Shane Long. I believe Ashley would definitely be interested if Ramos promised to play three up front – especially if they’re Long, Bent and Keane. I’ll be riding the Tottenham train at 7/10 against Newcastle.

Like Ashley Cole and Paul Jewell, I have often been tempted by the fruit of another, but the grass is not always greener on the other side. It’s like the old saying: why go out for a burger, when you’ve got a fat cow at home. Arsenal, Fulham, Tottenham and Liverpool form a sure-fire 11/1 accer that will allow me the opportunity to reconsider my position.

Weekend Fixtures

Saturday 29 March 2008

Portsmouth v Wigan Athletic

Bolton Wanderers v Arsenal

Reading v Blackburn Rovers

Derby County v Fulham

Sunderland v West Ham

Birmingham City v Manchester City

Manchester Utd v Aston Villa

Sunday 30 March 2008

Chelsea v Middlesbrough

Tottenham v Newcastle United

Liverpool v Everton

OLBG Bet

Goals – we could be talking about the Apprentice candidates as they boringly bang on about what they want to achieve before lunchtime but our focus is on football and the Tottenham v Newcastle match.

Tottenham have tightened their defence without compromising their attacking flair, a style quite hard to actually pull off. Newcastle may not have turned over a new leaf with last weeks win but will feel they can have a go at a Spurs team already qualified for Europe. An open game with plenty of goalmouth action should be the order of the day. The corresponding fixture last year finished 2-3, and the last 4 meetings between the 2 have all been over 2.5 goals.

The OLBG members chose over 2.5 goals at odds of 1.75 in the match at White Hart Lane as their Premiership bet of the week. The bet has been placed and we are now reliant on Berbatov/ Martins and co to put the ball in the back of the net at least 3 times.

The challenge is reaching its climax and a win for OLBG members is imperative.